I feel like the principal making school announcements

Yesterday turned into One Of Those Days.

It started with a visit to my friend Stan who is in the hospital with a broken hip. How did he break his hip you may ask. Well, Stan was riding his bike on the main street of Ra'anana and trying to manouever through a traffic jam, when someone hit him. He told me that when he first fell off his bike he was just angry that he found him self in such a ridiculous position that he didn't really pay attention to his pain. He then proceeded to walk his bike home .... to the senior's residence where he lives with his wife. Stan is going to be 85 next week.

I am a very vocal opponent of his bike riding. The problem is that both Stan and his family just don't see it the way I do. And since I am not part of that inner circle, I have no choice but you allow myself to be ignored. Although I did make a last-ditch effort to plead my case while I was visiting him in the hospital yesterday.

I have suggested to him and his family that perhaps he needs a Wii virtual bike riding program. That way he can stay safely off the roads and "ride" to his heart's content. His daughter is researching adult three-wheelers which both Stan and I are lukewarm about, so why not consider the Wii approach?

However, before I wrap up this point I am willing to bet bottles to beer caps that Stan actually gets back on his bike after he recuperates. And Stan, you just try it.... I will be waiting for you.

The next event of the day was a ceremony to move the sifrei Torah (The Five Books of Moses, The Jewish Torah, The Pentateuch) into our new synagogue, which finally opened its doors yesterday. Suffice it to say that the grand opening was two years later than scheduled, but hey, at least it opened. For a while I was starting to think that it was just going to sit there as a constant reminder of dumb-things-you-can-do-with-your-money.

The ceremony itself involved carrying the Torah scrolls up the street from their old home in the "temporary" synagogue -- the local school gym! For most of us, it was just a great chat fest. Unless you are in the hub of the excitement (which women rarely are in these situations), it is just a great excuse to talk to people you haven't had a chance to talk to in a while. Therefore, from my perspective, the whole event was a great success.

And finally, the last event of the day, was my neighbour David's 51st birthday party. David, and his wife Batia, moved in next door to us about seven months ago. They came from California for a year (oh, that's what they all say!) For Batia's birthday a few months ago, I bought her fluffy socks to help her survive the Israeli winter. That may sound like a contradiction of terms, but in fact, the Israeli winter is very real -- particularly inside one's home. Houses here are not insulated and over the past seven years I have had many days where I had to go outside to warm up in the middle of winter. (The trick is to position you car in the sunlight and then sit in it and read the paper. The sun will shine through the windshield and warm you up.)

Anyway, back to socks... David explicitly noted that he did NOT want socks for his birthday. So I set out to find him a man present. At first I was going to buy him a wrench because it seemed so manly, but then I thought, well, if he doesn't know what to do with it, I might hurt his feelings. Then I thought I should get him a flashlight, but it just didn't seem manly enough. I considered condoms for a moment (because I walked past the drugstore) but since he is very married I thought I might be sending the wrong message. So.... I bought him a bungie cord sort of thing and chewing gum that explicitly said "Professional" on it.

I am not sure what the bungie cord is good for, but I am not a man and besides there are pictures on the package to give you some hints if you can't figure out what to do with it either. And as for the gum... well, David is a lawyer; a professional. So, professional gum seemed very appropriate. What precisely makes it professional is beyond me, but it said professional and I was willing to accept that marketing strategy so that I could end my present search and go home.

For the records, David didn't seem to know what professional gum was either. I'll have to check in with him later today to see if he had an epiphany.

The party was only for their few friends. Sounds so sad doesn't it? Well, it wasn't. They have lots of friends and everyone came. And everyone ate because Batia is a good cook -- and an excellent purchaser of good cheese and yummy brown bread.

The bread was so good, in fact, that I am going now to buy some. Someone else will have to finish the announcements.