Monday, March 2, 2009

Enough suspense.... The Isramen, Part 2

Please tell me what is wrong with lawn bowling?

Don't bother pondering this question because there is nothing wrong with lawn bowling at all. Nothing. Zippo. It's fun. It's physical activity. It's painless.

I think a better question is what makes a person want to push themselves past their natural limits? What makes those same people seek out pain? Are they vain? Are they nuts? Are they sado-masochistic? Are they finished using their bodies and want to send them off with a bang?

When the Isramen started arriving at the finishing line I just couldn't help but ask myself those questions. It wasn't like they all came across the line smiling and waving to the fans. (Well, Glenn did but that was because he inadvertently rode his bike an extra 20 km and he was privately mocking himself.)

These people came across that finish line like they had been wanting to have a bowel movement for the past four or five hours and just couldn't find a suitable place to have one.

Oh, and besides the truly pained expressions on their faces, there was all the lovely sweat and salt stains. Add to that the Vaseline stains and you could basically wave good-bye to those sports clothes.

The first of our friends to cross the finish line was Mark. Mark, in my estimation, is not human. I suspect that he is more machine than man. He finished the Half Israman in just less than seven hours. Stopped for quick drink of water, found his bike and his bag of clothes, gave them to us, and then headed to the airport so that he could fly home in time for the Sabbath. Simple as that. Word has it that he didn't feel any pain the next day.

Now back to reality. Josh came in next, about 20 minutes later. He looked like the perfect subject for a Tide commercial. Trust me, those stains will never come out. Just toss that stuff and get new equipment.

Chaim was next, another 30 some minutes later, and he really looked like he was being propelled by an external force beyond his control. The external force was so strong that he did not even stop at the finish line; he just kept going for another few minutes with his kids running after him.

Glenn, as I mentioned, ran in like the Cheshire Cat. He had that look of someone who had a secret. And I guess making a wrong turn and riding your bike too far was a worthwhile secret.

Carl arrived after Glenn and he was scowling in equal proportion to Glenn's embarrassed smile.

And this set the tone for the next 24 hours. Apparently there were simply so many ways to detail the events of the past eight or so hours that they just kept rejigging the details.

It reminds me of all those company annual reports I worked on years ago. I always thought that 2+2= 4, but the truth is that numbers can be reworked as much as words. And Josh was busy reworking those numbers into more machinations that I could imagine. Who was first in his age category? Who was first in each segment of the race? Who was first based on factoring in the weather? Who was first, if you didn't count their bike weight? My head was spinning, but Josh (soon helped along by Chaim) just continued to rework the math.

And then came the justifications. "I would have cut 20 minutes off my time if there was no wind;" "I would have cut an hour off my time if I had a $6000 bike and A $500 helmut." "I would have cut 17 minutes off my time if I didn't have to work at my job all day." You get the idea.

I think the real justifications should have been: "I would have cut time off my race if I was waaaayyyy younger and 30 pounds lighter." Well, to all of you, C'est la vie.

Rather than going into all the details of the event, here are the highlights from what I can surmize:

1. The wind was hell; particularly the side winds at 90 km a hour.
2. The ride wasn't as scary as it looked – except for the wind.
3. The run was difficult – again because of the wind.
4. The ladies who helped us "transition" from biking to running were wonderful.
5. There is not enough Vaseline on earth at times like this. Always use it liberally.
6. Ow ow I ache all over.
7. I am never doing this again.
8. I am never doing this again in Eilat.
9. Where shall we go to compete next?

Congratulations to all and one final note. The best display of the day was Sarah running back over the bridge to find some information we forgot to check. She returned to our meeting point running at a nice gait and with a big smile on her face.

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