I wasn't going to read the original New Yorker article but I just couldn't help myself. The last thing I wanted to do was to add another click to the page count, but in the end I just had to know what the hell was so awful about Lena Dunham's quiz.
I totally agree that comparing Jews of either sex to dogs is very uncool and demonstrates a real disconnect with 50% of who she is. Obviously it is the weaker 50%.
Maybe that's just the point. Dunham thought she had the right to poke fun at Jews because her mother is Jewish, which unfortunately makes her Jewish – at least biologically. She thought that having 50% of the genes gave her an in. While for some people, that might be a fair assumption, for her it was not. Jews are great at making fun of themselves – within the parameters that real Jews understand.
But my guess is that she is anything but Jewish in any way, shape or form beyond a slice of her gene pool. It seems to me that at least half of New York City seems Jewish at any given moment so I am guessing that Dunham had a big hankering for deli or lox and bagel, and she thought that was enough to play the Jewish card.
So, in her honour, I have rewritten the quiz she published in the New Yorker.
Do the following statements refer to (a) my Jewish dog or (b) the full-of-herself, supposed "It" girl who loves to be naked on television much to viewers chagrin?
1. The first thing I noticed about her was her eyes.
2. We love to go on walks together on Shabbat afternoon.
3. She’s crazy for cream cheese.
4. It isn't always easy, but we live together and it’s going O.K.
5. She never remembers our anniversary.
6. If it were up to her, she would spend her day having her belly scratched.
7. But she will settle for an unexpected snack of chicken or meat.
8. She is thrilled about the food I serve her. When I make something from scratch, she is so happy that she rejects her store-bought food.
9. This is because she comes from a world in which mothers apparently do not give their offspring enough attention and the children will go to any lengths to get some.
10. As a result of this dynamic, she wants to be waited on hand and foot by the people in her life, and anything less than that makes her depressed.
11. I wish she were less excited about spending time with my friends.
12. I wish I didn't feel bad every time I leave her behind.
13. I wish she didn't like driving with her head out the window even in the middle of the winter.
14. When we go out of town, she fakes being okay with it but cries when no one is watching.
15. When we get home, she just wants to catch up on all the love and attention she assumes she's missed.
16. My cleaner loves her and says she’s a “good, good girl.”
17. She enjoys nature and I don’t, which would be fine except it’s important to share interests.
18. She hates cats and but insists on chasing them, even when they don't put up much of a fight.
19. Her best friend is named Buddy.
20. In addition, she is openly hostile toward gardeners and motor cyclists, focusing most of her rage on the noise they make.
21. She once vomited at my friend's house and then walked away as if nothing happened.
22. She’s adopted.
You probably guessed by now that each of the above items pertain to my Jewish dog, who I love. Why on Earth would I waste my time writing about a woman who just wants attention at all costs -- no matter how insulting or degrading it is? I am still trying to figure out how she became the voice of a generation.