One of my duly-imposed upon readers wrote me today to tell me that I am bothering people by sending out emails when I write something new. Funnily enough I do that because that is how I receive most of my notices about the blogs that I follow. Until today, I thought it was standard protocol. As he put it, if he wanted to read my stuff, then he would. I guess that means he doesn't! (That's nothing new. He has an insult or a complaint about everything I do that he is aware of. I guess it could be worse.... I could be married to him! Thank God for small mercies!!!!!!)
That said, first I want to apologize for imposing my blog on all of you. I sent many of you emails because you asked for them, but perhaps I either took you seriously when you were just being polite or perhaps you thought you might want to read my blog, but changed your mind. Or maybe there was another reason that I cannot even imagine at this point.
So, starting here and now, I am not going to email anyone any more. I know that sounds like a bit of an over-reaction but there is no way for me to tell who I am bothering and who I am not bothering, so it is better to err on the side of caution.
The blog has been an experiment from the beginning. I like writing it, but heaven knows I didn't mean to shove it down anyone's throat. I used to write some of the lighter fare in the blog for the Jerusalem Post but many of you know why I don't do that anymore. I guess I needed an outlet for my thoughts and the blog seemed to be as good an outlet as any.
I am curious to see how the non-emailing approach works. It will be the next step in my learning curve.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Jimmy, do you need a lift from the airport?
I just read that Jimmy Carter is coming to Israel for a "private" visit and I am trying to figure out what that means.
Is he here for vacation? Understandable. We have some of the best sightseeing and ancient ruins in the world. The beaches are great in Israel and so are the restaurants. And in June, the weather is still tolerable to those uninitiated in Middle Eastern summers.
Or is he here to visit friends? Now if that is the case, I find it baffling. Who, in the State of Israel, could possibly be a friend of the anti-Israel, ex-president of the United States? I am sure there are a few groupies who simply enjoy the company of anyone now or previously famous, but JIMMY CARTER??? Ewwwwwwwwwwww.
And here is another question: If Jimmy Carter is coming on a private visit, who is picking him up at the airport? I am thinking about driving out to Ben Gurion Airport on the off chance that he exits the plane and no one is there to meet him. Sometimes you just have to create your own opportunities.
If that happens, then I am going to walk over to him and tell him in my clean Canadian English, that I would be happy to drive him wherever he wants to go. And, I will tell him, don't worry, I'm Canadian. There is nothing more innocuous to an American than the word "Canadian." And then I am going to help him get his bags to my car.
That's when the fun will begin. Once we are happily settled in the car, with the doors locked, speeding down the highway, I am going to start to tell him what I think of him and his anti-Israel views -- which isn't much. I am going to give him a brief history lesson starting prior to the original Testament. I am then going to explain to him that I understand his anti-semitism. It's part of his culture and heritage, and that he would have had to have been a very strong-willed individual to have departed from that misguided thinking and use his own head and eyes to see the facts on the ground.
I am going to mention how nothing of peace-related value has happened since his Camp David Accords. Granted, we are not at war with Egypt, but it is a very cooooool peace. And I would particularly like to thank him for that book he wrote in 2006 to explain the facts-on-the-ground in the Middle East to Americans. Here's a particularly nice little snippet from the book:
"Israel's continued control and colonization of Palestinian land have been the primary obstacles to a comprehensive peace agreement in the Holy Land."
Well, thanks for setting the record straight for 325 million Americans. Apparently you forgot to write the chapter about the Arab's war of attrition; terrorist bombings as one approach to peacemaking; and the Arabs hateful indoctrination of innocent Arab children against Israel. I could go on but I don't want to get bogged down on any one point, when I only have a limited amount of time.
Finally, I will thank him for calling Israel an apartheid state. I am so sorry that he missed all the important modern history that led to the need for a Jewish state. Jimmy, I am pretty sure you would have loved Treblinka. I hear it was a great vacation spot as well. Particularly for serious dieters.
And by the way, Jews do dominate Israel. It's true. On a piece of land that takes up less than .0001 % of the available earth's surface. And on top of that, Arabs in Israel have more freedom than Arabs living in other Middle Eastern countries. Just ask the Bruqa-clad Arab woman who almost reversed her car into me at the mall last week. At least in Israel she can drive, she can vote and she has many other rights that you so conveniently ignored in your educational, tell-all book. Show me an example of that anywhere else in the Middle East and I will show you a pig that flies!
Unfortunately, then, my time will be up and I will have to drop him off at the home of his old and good friend, Israel's president Shimon Peres. I would have dropped him off at Judas Iscariot's house, but I don't know where he lives. However, Peres, Iscariot. Pretty much the same thing.
I hope Shimon doesn't invite me in because I will have to decline -- I have to get going if I want to get to the big Obama-Mubarak love-in party in Egypt on time.
Is he here for vacation? Understandable. We have some of the best sightseeing and ancient ruins in the world. The beaches are great in Israel and so are the restaurants. And in June, the weather is still tolerable to those uninitiated in Middle Eastern summers.
Or is he here to visit friends? Now if that is the case, I find it baffling. Who, in the State of Israel, could possibly be a friend of the anti-Israel, ex-president of the United States? I am sure there are a few groupies who simply enjoy the company of anyone now or previously famous, but JIMMY CARTER??? Ewwwwwwwwwwww.
And here is another question: If Jimmy Carter is coming on a private visit, who is picking him up at the airport? I am thinking about driving out to Ben Gurion Airport on the off chance that he exits the plane and no one is there to meet him. Sometimes you just have to create your own opportunities.
If that happens, then I am going to walk over to him and tell him in my clean Canadian English, that I would be happy to drive him wherever he wants to go. And, I will tell him, don't worry, I'm Canadian. There is nothing more innocuous to an American than the word "Canadian." And then I am going to help him get his bags to my car.
That's when the fun will begin. Once we are happily settled in the car, with the doors locked, speeding down the highway, I am going to start to tell him what I think of him and his anti-Israel views -- which isn't much. I am going to give him a brief history lesson starting prior to the original Testament. I am then going to explain to him that I understand his anti-semitism. It's part of his culture and heritage, and that he would have had to have been a very strong-willed individual to have departed from that misguided thinking and use his own head and eyes to see the facts on the ground.
I am going to mention how nothing of peace-related value has happened since his Camp David Accords. Granted, we are not at war with Egypt, but it is a very cooooool peace. And I would particularly like to thank him for that book he wrote in 2006 to explain the facts-on-the-ground in the Middle East to Americans. Here's a particularly nice little snippet from the book:
"Israel's continued control and colonization of Palestinian land have been the primary obstacles to a comprehensive peace agreement in the Holy Land."
Well, thanks for setting the record straight for 325 million Americans. Apparently you forgot to write the chapter about the Arab's war of attrition; terrorist bombings as one approach to peacemaking; and the Arabs hateful indoctrination of innocent Arab children against Israel. I could go on but I don't want to get bogged down on any one point, when I only have a limited amount of time.
Finally, I will thank him for calling Israel an apartheid state. I am so sorry that he missed all the important modern history that led to the need for a Jewish state. Jimmy, I am pretty sure you would have loved Treblinka. I hear it was a great vacation spot as well. Particularly for serious dieters.
And by the way, Jews do dominate Israel. It's true. On a piece of land that takes up less than .0001 % of the available earth's surface. And on top of that, Arabs in Israel have more freedom than Arabs living in other Middle Eastern countries. Just ask the Bruqa-clad Arab woman who almost reversed her car into me at the mall last week. At least in Israel she can drive, she can vote and she has many other rights that you so conveniently ignored in your educational, tell-all book. Show me an example of that anywhere else in the Middle East and I will show you a pig that flies!
Unfortunately, then, my time will be up and I will have to drop him off at the home of his old and good friend, Israel's president Shimon Peres. I would have dropped him off at Judas Iscariot's house, but I don't know where he lives. However, Peres, Iscariot. Pretty much the same thing.
I hope Shimon doesn't invite me in because I will have to decline -- I have to get going if I want to get to the big Obama-Mubarak love-in party in Egypt on time.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Would you like some breast with your fish?
I have no delusions. Most men would say "absolutely".
However, ask a woman the same question and she would say "no thank you, I brought my own."
Tonight, unfortunately, there was no choice. I had dinner with Chaim and my mother at Aresto in Caesaria. It's the only kosher restaurant there, so if you want to eat in the ancient ruins of Caesaria and you are kosher, then Aresto has you by the ding-a-lings -- and they know it. It's an excellent example of trying to achieve the lowest common denominator.
We didn't have a reservation so we understandably didn't get the best table in the house. That said, we did get a teeny, weeny, little table on the edge of the restaurant. That was okay. If that was the only problem with the restaurant, I could have lived with that.
What wasn't okay were the two mothers at the next table who were there with three small children. Two of those children were of breast-feeding age and neither mother had an ounce of humility. As soon as the children cried, out came the breasts in full force.
Now I am a big fan of breasts. Everyone should be fortunate enough to have two. That said, I do not ever feel the need to expose them in restaurants. Actually, I can't think of a time that I ever felt the need to expose them in public. I am also a big fan of breast-feeding. It's just that I prefer breast-feeders to have a little discretion. For me, chewing and looking at milk-laden, sagging breasts is an unappetizing combination.
I should also talk about how these two women thought it was perfectly okay to change their children's diapers on the table. Not only did it ruin my already lousy meal, but correct me if I am wrong -- it can't possibly be sanitary. All those little bacteria waiting for a nice warm plate to attach themselves to! I feel bad for whoever sat at that table next!
What I didn't realize right away was that these women were wives or girlfriends of some of the restaurant staff. Once I figured that out I understood why they didn't feel the need to behave like human beings in the restaurant. For them, eating there was their G-d given right and dammit, they were going to exercise that right! They weren't paying for it and under the circumstances free food is free food. Screw the paying customers.
Now to the food. Hmmmm. What can I say about the food?
It sucked.
It was truly awful.
I can't believe we paid for such trash.
That's what happens when you have a kosher clientele who have no choice but to select your restaurant because they are already there, they are hungry, and there are no other kosher options. It's a great scam. In all fairness, the eggplant and goat cheese appetizer was delicious, but that was the last delicious item of the evening. The salmon was terrible and the St. Peter's fish, as they call it, was simply horrendous.
If there had been any other kosher restaurant in the vicinity, I would have bolted. I did tell the manager that the food was awful and that the women at the next table were flashing more flesh than I could handle, but naturally, he didn't care on iota. He just looked at me with that Israeli "yeah, and your point is?" look. He doesn't have to care -- I've already explained Aresto's very successful marketing strategy.
So, if you decide to go to Caesaria to eat, do yourself a favour and stop at the sushi restaurant at the gas station on the entrance road to the town. The sushi there is kosher and excellent. And if you end up at Aresto, make sure you don't get the diaper-changing table. It's the one, second closest to the sea with all the little invisible poop bacteria crawling all over it.
And if your food is awful don't come crying to me. Just flash your breasts and see where it takes you.
However, ask a woman the same question and she would say "no thank you, I brought my own."
Tonight, unfortunately, there was no choice. I had dinner with Chaim and my mother at Aresto in Caesaria. It's the only kosher restaurant there, so if you want to eat in the ancient ruins of Caesaria and you are kosher, then Aresto has you by the ding-a-lings -- and they know it. It's an excellent example of trying to achieve the lowest common denominator.
We didn't have a reservation so we understandably didn't get the best table in the house. That said, we did get a teeny, weeny, little table on the edge of the restaurant. That was okay. If that was the only problem with the restaurant, I could have lived with that.
What wasn't okay were the two mothers at the next table who were there with three small children. Two of those children were of breast-feeding age and neither mother had an ounce of humility. As soon as the children cried, out came the breasts in full force.
Now I am a big fan of breasts. Everyone should be fortunate enough to have two. That said, I do not ever feel the need to expose them in restaurants. Actually, I can't think of a time that I ever felt the need to expose them in public. I am also a big fan of breast-feeding. It's just that I prefer breast-feeders to have a little discretion. For me, chewing and looking at milk-laden, sagging breasts is an unappetizing combination.
I should also talk about how these two women thought it was perfectly okay to change their children's diapers on the table. Not only did it ruin my already lousy meal, but correct me if I am wrong -- it can't possibly be sanitary. All those little bacteria waiting for a nice warm plate to attach themselves to! I feel bad for whoever sat at that table next!
What I didn't realize right away was that these women were wives or girlfriends of some of the restaurant staff. Once I figured that out I understood why they didn't feel the need to behave like human beings in the restaurant. For them, eating there was their G-d given right and dammit, they were going to exercise that right! They weren't paying for it and under the circumstances free food is free food. Screw the paying customers.
Now to the food. Hmmmm. What can I say about the food?
It sucked.
It was truly awful.
I can't believe we paid for such trash.
That's what happens when you have a kosher clientele who have no choice but to select your restaurant because they are already there, they are hungry, and there are no other kosher options. It's a great scam. In all fairness, the eggplant and goat cheese appetizer was delicious, but that was the last delicious item of the evening. The salmon was terrible and the St. Peter's fish, as they call it, was simply horrendous.
If there had been any other kosher restaurant in the vicinity, I would have bolted. I did tell the manager that the food was awful and that the women at the next table were flashing more flesh than I could handle, but naturally, he didn't care on iota. He just looked at me with that Israeli "yeah, and your point is?" look. He doesn't have to care -- I've already explained Aresto's very successful marketing strategy.
So, if you decide to go to Caesaria to eat, do yourself a favour and stop at the sushi restaurant at the gas station on the entrance road to the town. The sushi there is kosher and excellent. And if you end up at Aresto, make sure you don't get the diaper-changing table. It's the one, second closest to the sea with all the little invisible poop bacteria crawling all over it.
And if your food is awful don't come crying to me. Just flash your breasts and see where it takes you.
I feel so vindicated
Ever since that fateful moment a few years back when then First-Lady Hillary Clinton leaned over and air-kissed Suha Arafat, I haven't been able to think of a decent thing to say about Clinton. Suha had just slammed Israel for killing Arab children, and then as a reward for that outrageous comment she got a little wet one from Hillary. It drove me crazy but many of my American Jewish friends poo-poo'ed me and so did my husband who told me "enough already with that story."
Today, let me just bask in the glory of not being out there all alone. At least one media branch has taken up my cause and I would like to thank them for doing so. It has been lonely out in the wilderness waiting for the moment that I could say: "I TOLD YOU SO." Hillary is no friend of the Jews.
With all due apologies to my favorite Jewish Democrat ex-Congressman, the Democrats are bad for the Jews!
Today, let me just bask in the glory of not being out there all alone. At least one media branch has taken up my cause and I would like to thank them for doing so. It has been lonely out in the wilderness waiting for the moment that I could say: "I TOLD YOU SO." Hillary is no friend of the Jews.
With all due apologies to my favorite Jewish Democrat ex-Congressman, the Democrats are bad for the Jews!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Are you threatening us?
So the wolf is finally starting to slip out of its sheep clothing. Oh goody.
For the past few months I have been receiving emails saying that I should stop complaining about all the things I complain about, and start focusing on what really matters. And what is that you ask? Well, I think the answer is plain and clear in today's Jerusalem Post. The new Democratic government in the US, according to The New York Times, is telling Israel: "you either start doing things our way or we are going to withhold support for you in the United Nations."
First of all, that is simply not nice. It seems to me that the US is being childish. "You either do it our way or we are going to get you back," is in essence what Obama and his Jewish chief-of-staff, Rahm Emanuelle, are saying. I think that's what happens when you put people in positions of huge power when they don't have the credentials for the job. This isn't an Affirmative Action program. This is the real deal and unfortunately, the lives of many innocent people in many places around the globe are depending on the president to actually understand foreign policy and real politik. (I haven't used that phrase since fourth year undergrad. Never thought I would use it again.) Obama might be a good guy if you meet him on the street and he might have done some wonderful things in Chicago, but Barak Hussein Obama: WE AREN'T IN KANSAS ANY MORE!
Second of all, are you Americans going to stand by while your newbie president threatens the only real democracy in the Middle East? I suspect that after all the media get their two cents in, the answer would be a big fat YES. I don't blame you because I am sure it is difficult to tell who the good guys are and who the bad guys are at this point in this convoluted mess of a story we call the Middle East Peace process. I, for one, am waiting for Armageddon -- it's playing out in Meggido you know and that isn't too far from my house. About a two hour drive and voila, you can be there when it all happens.
Third, I know that this is just a technicality for the Americans, but you are bullying an independent country. You can't ride shipshod over another nation-state because you don't like what they are doing. I realize that all the power is on your side -- you can withdraw your financial support and heaven knows that would be painful; you can reverse your rhetoric and within days the entire Islamic world would be knocking at your door inviting you to a sleepover; and if all that doesn't work you can implement trade sanctions and encourage political and market isolation. Agreed. You can do that. And if all else fails, you can drive down to New Mexico and fire up one of your nuclear war-heads. We're a small country, you wouldn't need many to wipe us off the map entirely.
And then my friend, Mr. Obama, you will have played into the hands of the exact people you are supposedly trying to bring around to your way of thinking. You will be the next Saddam Hussein (you already carry that name) or Ahmadinejad. And you think you have your foreign policy ducks lined up nicely now. Just wait until Israel isn't there to save you!
For the past few months I have been receiving emails saying that I should stop complaining about all the things I complain about, and start focusing on what really matters. And what is that you ask? Well, I think the answer is plain and clear in today's Jerusalem Post. The new Democratic government in the US, according to The New York Times, is telling Israel: "you either start doing things our way or we are going to withhold support for you in the United Nations."
First of all, that is simply not nice. It seems to me that the US is being childish. "You either do it our way or we are going to get you back," is in essence what Obama and his Jewish chief-of-staff, Rahm Emanuelle, are saying. I think that's what happens when you put people in positions of huge power when they don't have the credentials for the job. This isn't an Affirmative Action program. This is the real deal and unfortunately, the lives of many innocent people in many places around the globe are depending on the president to actually understand foreign policy and real politik. (I haven't used that phrase since fourth year undergrad. Never thought I would use it again.) Obama might be a good guy if you meet him on the street and he might have done some wonderful things in Chicago, but Barak Hussein Obama: WE AREN'T IN KANSAS ANY MORE!
Second of all, are you Americans going to stand by while your newbie president threatens the only real democracy in the Middle East? I suspect that after all the media get their two cents in, the answer would be a big fat YES. I don't blame you because I am sure it is difficult to tell who the good guys are and who the bad guys are at this point in this convoluted mess of a story we call the Middle East Peace process. I, for one, am waiting for Armageddon -- it's playing out in Meggido you know and that isn't too far from my house. About a two hour drive and voila, you can be there when it all happens.
Third, I know that this is just a technicality for the Americans, but you are bullying an independent country. You can't ride shipshod over another nation-state because you don't like what they are doing. I realize that all the power is on your side -- you can withdraw your financial support and heaven knows that would be painful; you can reverse your rhetoric and within days the entire Islamic world would be knocking at your door inviting you to a sleepover; and if all that doesn't work you can implement trade sanctions and encourage political and market isolation. Agreed. You can do that. And if all else fails, you can drive down to New Mexico and fire up one of your nuclear war-heads. We're a small country, you wouldn't need many to wipe us off the map entirely.
And then my friend, Mr. Obama, you will have played into the hands of the exact people you are supposedly trying to bring around to your way of thinking. You will be the next Saddam Hussein (you already carry that name) or Ahmadinejad. And you think you have your foreign policy ducks lined up nicely now. Just wait until Israel isn't there to save you!
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