I have just had an epiphany that doesn't really please me. Apparently, you can take the girl out of Christmas but you can't take Christmas out of the girl. Trust me, I am not very happy about it.
Let me say right up front: I have no problem with Christmas in general. I just don't think that it should be part of my life as an observant Jew living in Israel. So, while it might not be good for me, it might be great for you.
After 12 years living in Israel I really thought Christmas was off my radar. There have been many of the past 12 Christmas Days that almost slipped by unnoticed. But this year, I seem to have been acutely aware of its encroachment and finally, it's inevitable arrival.
I am not sure what I expected to happen. I did not leave cookies out for Santa. I did not buy or wrap any presents (oops, I did, but those were late bar mitzvah presents). I did not feel a sudden urge for turkey with stuffing. And I did not burst into Christmas carols which I am actually capable of doing since I grew up singing them in public school every year and for some strange reason, still remember every word off by heart.
I did take a few minutes to go on FB and wish my Christian friends a Merry Christmas. I am not apologizing for that because most of my oldest friends are Christians. That doesn't mean I want to be one of them. I had ample opportunities to join their tribe years ago and if I didn't do it then, I am surely not going to jump ship now.
So, what was I waiting for?
Apparently for something that wasn't going to arrive. It was never really clear to me. It was just an expectant feeling.
Nor was there any reason to expect the arrival of whatever I was half-expecting. Outside of my head, December 25th proceeded exactly as one would expect in Israel -- as long as they didn't live in Bethlehem (and maybe Nazareth). I dragged my kids out of bed, ignoring their morning expletives. I went to the gym, which was chock full of other people not celebrating an almost non-existent Israeli holiday. Got my hair cut, did a few errands, went to a meeting ..... which leads me to the realization that Christmas was not coming and it never would.
It also forced me to realize that 40 years of observing Christmas up close, yet tangentially, had made it part of me.
Hey Kendall. Tradition, even if it isn't OUR tradition, is infinitely difficult to leave behind. Our emotions really are not as elastic as we would like them to be. :-) I must say, though, perhaps your waiting is more about a spiritual journey you appear to be on. Exploring the character of G-d, perhaps. And, perhaps, because we worship the same God, Christmas hooks up more than just emotions deep inside. He may have a particular calling on your life, yet to be uncovered. He is like that, I have discovered - puts these little calling cards in our hearts that are increasingly challenging to deny, until we give in and simply ask Him, "What do You want of me, Lord?"
ReplyDeleteGreat article, however - really makes the reader ponder....
Ellen, you are not cheering me up. I am apparently caught somewhere between old me and new me.
ReplyDelete