Let me go back 30 or 35 years to when I spent a significant portion of my life in one rink or another. I grew up in a small city where skating and its variations were the center of almost everyone's social and athletic life. We all skated -- and quite well -- by the time we entered school. And being a hockey player was a natural step in most boys (and some girls) development.
By extension, cheerleaders were important but I always poo poo'ed them as pathetic and only one step above the garden-variety puck bunny. What can I say, I was a feminist in those heady days.
Unfortunately, I was, by default, a bit of a hypocrite because my teenage boyfriend was a hockey player -- and a good one at that. Therefore, in the years before I could drive, I just got dropped off at the rink regularly to watch games and the odd practice. And then, when I got my license, my boyfriend's parents withdrew themselves from the child-imposed obligation of picking up and dropping off of their offspring hockey players figuring that if I had a car and I was going to be there anyway, I might as well do all the driving. (That was years before I started to hate the carpooling obligations that came with being a parent.)
What I did learn at a very young age is that wherever there are young male athletes, there are admiring young babes. And when those young athletes are hockey players then the babes are called puck bunnies. Let me state here, once and for all: I was never a puck bunny. I was just too cool and I had no interest in hockey players in general. For me, my association with hockey players was a very specific thing.
When we entered the Canada Center in Metulla two days ago, I wasn't sure if there would be any puck bunnies. I wasn't really sure if puck bunnies were a Canadian phenomenon. Now I know for sure: wherever a hockey player can skate, a puck bunny can hop.
It makes perfect sense but I guess I was trying to convince myself that in Israel things are different. They aren't, but it was worth a try.
I did follow the whole Wilt Chamberlain "I-had-20,000-sex-partners" story about 18 years back and I have watched enough movies about professional athletes to get the picture about the meeting and mating of groupies and athletes. However, I was very taken by the Israeli puck bunnies. They were a new phenomenon for me.
First of all they don't wear boots or winter jackets. Technically that should compromise the title "bunnies" because bunnies should be warm and fluffy. These girls, on the other hand, were in the arena wearing tank tops and shorts. Yes, we were in a rink but this is Israel and even the rink wasn't cold. So what does this make them I wondered? Puck iguanas? Puck chameleons? Puck lizards? None of those terms really works because the whole point is to appear soft and cuddly.
Second, Israeli puck bunnies don't know a thing about hockey. This may be an unreasonable expectation but I expect my puck bunnies to know a thing or two about the game. It just seems fair. Otherwise, they should stalk athletes from a sport they understand. How can you define yourself with the word "puck" if you don't know what a puck is? In Israel this would suggest that there is a wealth of football (North Americans read soccer here) bunnies.
And finally, from the little I saw in Metulla, these Middle Eastern Puck Hedgehogs (I checked and Israel has hedgehogs and they are cute), can at best muster about 20 English words. I wasn't born yesterday and I realize that they speak the international language of hot and sweaty, but I think a few words in a common language should be essential. They do have that coy "sweet little innocent me" thing happening, but as a voyeur, it was just making me nauseous.
The truth is the MEPHs have the most necessary ingredients for sports groupies everywhere. They wear way too much make-up. They flirt with wild abandon that no self-respecting woman could ever muster. They are completely inappropriately dressed. They come across like ditzoids. And most important, they know that coquitish sells.
In other words, puck bunny or puck honey, I am going to have to fight this battle alone.
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