Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Brady Bunch with a much needed twist

A few days ago our old friend Ilan from Toronto came to visit us with his new wife and their collective seven children (well, only six of the kids were actually part of the traveling menagerie), and two grandparents -- one from each side of the marriage.

His new wife is now officially my choice for Heroine of the Year. It's that or Deluded Nutcase of the Year, so I am giving her the benefit of the doubt. She's a dentist so that presumes she has functioning brain cells! Dental school does required effective synapses (you don't get to use words like synapse very much in social blogging).

Before I continue, let me clearly state that there isn't a mode of transportation big enough to convince to me to do such a thing. No, not even the RMS Queen Elizabeth II. Chaim, on the other hand, would probably just shove everyone into a Winnebago, turn on some Deep Purple and happily drive off into the sunset with the whole motley crew in the back. I, of course, would jump out and run away at the first stop sign.

I know that the Brady Bunch is the benchmark for successfully combining families -- but we all know what a sham that turned out to be. Mike died of AIDS. Greg had an affair with his TV mother Carol and his TV sister Marcia. And Marcia/Maureen was abused by her father, and then turned to drugs to numb her pain. There's more but I think you get the point.

It would be easy to say that Ilan and new bride are newlyweds and still consumed by marital bliss, but that would be a load of crap. They aren't 20 somethings. And they are starting out with seven kids. Talk about hitting a wall going 100 miles an hour.

My now deceased friend Diane z"l who was also the mother of seven children once put it to me this way: "It's not for everyone. You have to be able to roll with a lot of things, like kids going to school without their shoes." She and her husband raised seven great kids so she obviously knew what she was talking about. That said, the no shoes to school thing would drive me around the bend which is at least one reason that I am not the mother of seven.

Another reason that I know I could never manage seven children is because today I don't seem to be able to manage three. Zeve left for camp but then had to be rescued by his father from the public pool in Kfar Saba. I could tell you the whole story, but you probably wouldn't be able to follow it -- most of Zeve's stories are like that. Ari is missing-in-action somewhere between our house and the other side of Ra'anana which is about five kilometers away. I am sure you don't want to hear that story either but suffice it to say, there several good reasons to give teenagers cell phones but Ari is the post-child for "Oh, I forgot my phone ... and my money ... and water ... and a hat." Hard to believe, but he is an excellent student. Yael seems to be exactly where I think she is, but it's still before noon so what do I know? By now she may have abducted her favorite bunny "Marshmellow" from her camp "zoo" and be on the lam. At least she never leaves without a cell phone.

I'm sorry, I seem to have digressed from the point of my post. I wish the new combined family much luck -- and all I can say is that if you get them all fed, clothed and if possible, educated without losing any of them along the way, then we will all consider this a match made in heaven.

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