Sometimes I get up earlier than the rest of my family so that I can spend a few minutes at my computer before the pandemonium of the morning begins. I need a few minutes to see what emails dribbled in during the night – usually from overseas – and I like to read some news papers and see what's going on in the world.
Today, I am sorry I bothered. Yesterday, it seems, was the seventh anniversary of the unspeakable beheading of Daniel Pearl, the Wall Street Journal South East Asia Bureau Chief who was posted in India. Unfortunately for Daniel, he was born Jewish. I don't think he lived a very Jewish life, but for his killers that was besides the point.
Normally he is not someone who crosses my mind. But when I read the article written by his father in yesterday's Wall Street Journal (www.wsj.com – it's titled "the Normalization of Evil" and it's printed in the Opinion section and definitely worth reading), it hit me like a ton of bricks. Probably because I had just finished reading the front page of the Jerusalem Post only to see that despite everything that happened in Gaza a few weeks ago appears to have been for naught. The world runs to say how bad the Israelis are for bombing Gaza, then we stop and lo and behold, what happens? The Gazans start bombing Israel again. Of course, that is okay with the world... it's only the Jews/Israelis.
It is so mentally exhausting to wake up every morning and realize within moments of reading pretty much any paper anywhere that the world just can't come up with enough ways to hate the Jews/Israel. Don't people have anything better to do with their days? Wouldn't they all be better off focusing on feeding their families, and finding personal fulfillment in some positive way?
I am at a loss to figure out how such a small country, with such a small population, can possibly be causing such worldwide havoc. And spare me the controlling the world theories – they are pathetic and downright not true. It's always easier to blame someone else rather than looking at one's own shortcomings. Why work on getting a job when you can blame black people for taking all the jobs via Affirmative Action programs?
Why is it always okay that people can aim their bombs at our children but when we fight back, we are bad? It's not a rhetorical question. I am actually going to answer it.
The answer is that Jew/Israel hating is so ingrained in societies and cultures that most people don't even know they are doing it. It is just part of who they are. Let me also say that I know lots of people who aren't Jew/Israel haters, so I know, as a fact, that is it possible to get through the day without it. And I am willing to bet that those people have lives full of many other things (hopefully positive things).
I am really sick and tired of worrying about justifying the existential right of Israel (and Jews) to exist every bloody day.
Therefore, I would like to suggest to all haters of any kind (why stop at Jews and Israel?), that you find something better to do with your day. Stop blaming entire groups of people because they are different from you. And remember, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones … or bear arms.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
My 15 Seconds Of Fame
My nine-year-old daughter Yael thinks I am famous because she saw a video clip of me and my friend Nina, and our YouTube pregnancy show (www.thepregnancyshow.com).
You are probably wondering why I had a pregnancy show. It's not like I am a real Go-To person for pregnancy advice. In a neighbourhood where people figure you must have had conception issues if you have less than five children, there are much more expert mothers available.
The truth is that Nina and I have a mutual friend who owns a pregnancy website and we made the series of videos in his backyard about two years ago. They were all ad-libbed (which I think is pretty obvious). His theory was that if you have had a few babies here and there, and if they are still alive as a result of your attentive care, then you can discuss this topic. In all fairness, Nina has six kids, so she was more of a shoe-in. I just have a big mouth and an opinion on everything – that's what got me the gig.
We had a lot of fun making the videos – as it turns out, some people who follow the pregnancy website have had wild experiences. Truly the kinds of things that would never cross my mind. Here's one beaute: a guy and his girlfriend have sex. He uses a condom. After sex he goes to the washroom. When he comes back he finds the girlfriend trying to insert the contents of the used condom into places that would potentially result in her getting pregnant (how's that for wording diplomacy?). So now the guy's question is: Can she get pregnant?
My question is why on earth would you have sex with a woman who only wants you for your discarded condom? And what IF she DID get pregnant? Are you financially and emotionally committed to someone who scrounges for condom refuse?
I don't think that questions like that need answers beyond: Run for your life bucko.
When the videos first aired all my friends watched them. My parents even showed them to their friends at a party they were hosting. We were a big success among the people who know us and love us. And that was probably the bulk of our viewing audience. Of course, there were a few innocent stragglers who stumbled across our path -- thank you whoever you were.
Back to my daughter. She wants to know if I am famous. Yes, Yael, I was famous for about 15 seconds among the 2000 or so people who watched the videos for whatever reasons a few years ago. I hope that the truth doesn't burst her balloon too badly.
I think I will go write out some autographs in case I need them later.
You are probably wondering why I had a pregnancy show. It's not like I am a real Go-To person for pregnancy advice. In a neighbourhood where people figure you must have had conception issues if you have less than five children, there are much more expert mothers available.
The truth is that Nina and I have a mutual friend who owns a pregnancy website and we made the series of videos in his backyard about two years ago. They were all ad-libbed (which I think is pretty obvious). His theory was that if you have had a few babies here and there, and if they are still alive as a result of your attentive care, then you can discuss this topic. In all fairness, Nina has six kids, so she was more of a shoe-in. I just have a big mouth and an opinion on everything – that's what got me the gig.
We had a lot of fun making the videos – as it turns out, some people who follow the pregnancy website have had wild experiences. Truly the kinds of things that would never cross my mind. Here's one beaute: a guy and his girlfriend have sex. He uses a condom. After sex he goes to the washroom. When he comes back he finds the girlfriend trying to insert the contents of the used condom into places that would potentially result in her getting pregnant (how's that for wording diplomacy?). So now the guy's question is: Can she get pregnant?
My question is why on earth would you have sex with a woman who only wants you for your discarded condom? And what IF she DID get pregnant? Are you financially and emotionally committed to someone who scrounges for condom refuse?
I don't think that questions like that need answers beyond: Run for your life bucko.
When the videos first aired all my friends watched them. My parents even showed them to their friends at a party they were hosting. We were a big success among the people who know us and love us. And that was probably the bulk of our viewing audience. Of course, there were a few innocent stragglers who stumbled across our path -- thank you whoever you were.
Back to my daughter. She wants to know if I am famous. Yes, Yael, I was famous for about 15 seconds among the 2000 or so people who watched the videos for whatever reasons a few years ago. I hope that the truth doesn't burst her balloon too badly.
I think I will go write out some autographs in case I need them later.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Who cares if it rains in Spain?
It's 20 degrees Celsius today – and sunny. And heaven forbid that you mention that in positive tones on the streets of Israel. I love this weather; to me it is nirvana. But the truth is that Israel is in the middle of a drought. A really big drought -- a drought of biblical proportions!! And this is very bad.
This never happens in Canada because even in years when there isn't a lot of rain, the snow is very reliable. It falls, and falls, and then falls some more. Ratchet the temperature up a few degrees and inevitably that snow turns first to dirty, messy slush, and then to good old general wet stuff. Drought is not a word on the average Canadian's tongue. (I better check the situation in Saskatchewan before I speak on behalf of all of Canada.)
But in Israel, drought spells trouble. First it means that we might have to buy more fresh water from Turkey and right now that is the last thing we want to do. When Turkey was a decent, half-friendly neighbour it didn't hurt so much. But now, in the midst of Turkey's national We-Hate-Israel campaign, who the heck wants to do business with them?
Of course lots of Israelis aren't helping the situation either. Take my next door neighbours. I think they must be getting a kick-back from Turkey because they are single-handedly wasting as much water as they can. Drives my husband nuts. They water their walkway (because G-d forbid they should have a dirty walkway) and then as far as I can tell, they just turn their hose on for the fun of it – or perhaps because they know it makes us crazy.
I want the Israeli government to implement a Use and Abuse Law. If you use less than your allocation (which will be determined by some lazy bureaucrat in the Ministry of Something or Other), you get money back on your monthly water bill. And if you surpass your quota, then you pay a big penalty.
Of course, none of this will fill the Kinneret (and for your Christians out there, that's the Sea of Galilee -- and now I am developing a theory on how Jesus actually walked on that water) with much needed water, but until the Heavens see fit to cooperate, it will make me feel like we are doing something.
This never happens in Canada because even in years when there isn't a lot of rain, the snow is very reliable. It falls, and falls, and then falls some more. Ratchet the temperature up a few degrees and inevitably that snow turns first to dirty, messy slush, and then to good old general wet stuff. Drought is not a word on the average Canadian's tongue. (I better check the situation in Saskatchewan before I speak on behalf of all of Canada.)
But in Israel, drought spells trouble. First it means that we might have to buy more fresh water from Turkey and right now that is the last thing we want to do. When Turkey was a decent, half-friendly neighbour it didn't hurt so much. But now, in the midst of Turkey's national We-Hate-Israel campaign, who the heck wants to do business with them?
Of course lots of Israelis aren't helping the situation either. Take my next door neighbours. I think they must be getting a kick-back from Turkey because they are single-handedly wasting as much water as they can. Drives my husband nuts. They water their walkway (because G-d forbid they should have a dirty walkway) and then as far as I can tell, they just turn their hose on for the fun of it – or perhaps because they know it makes us crazy.
I want the Israeli government to implement a Use and Abuse Law. If you use less than your allocation (which will be determined by some lazy bureaucrat in the Ministry of Something or Other), you get money back on your monthly water bill. And if you surpass your quota, then you pay a big penalty.
Of course, none of this will fill the Kinneret (and for your Christians out there, that's the Sea of Galilee -- and now I am developing a theory on how Jesus actually walked on that water) with much needed water, but until the Heavens see fit to cooperate, it will make me feel like we are doing something.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Election Guide for the Really Perplexed
If you come from an organized, law-abiding country like Canada, Israeli elections are like spending a month at the circus. Lots to do; lots to see; highly entertaining; and something for pretty much everyone. There's the clowns, the acrobats, the animal acts and a range of other performers.
Generally, the main performance takes place in an area called "The Ring" but in the case of Israeli elections, we call it "The Media". Often, a large circus will provide up to three performing areas that are dedicated to different types of acts. The idea of the "three ring circus" was to build up excitement for the citizens. The Israelis have perfected the concept.
Voila! Welcome to the Israeli elections. It's a mind-boggling cornucopia of information overload, intrigue, double binds, and the likes.
But the truth is that for all of its circus atmosphere, this is really serious business. Leading this country is no piece of cake. My husband used to wish that one of our sons would some day become the Prime Minister of Israel. To which I could only respond: "Are you crazy???? I wouldn't subject my worst enemy to such a thankless job; why would I want that for my beloved child?" Yes, it must be nice to have your picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek, but other than that…. All I see is downside. For example, having your face plastered on such magazines just makes it easier for assassins to find you while you are on vacation.
Another interesting thing about Israeli political parties is that it is very difficult to determine what they stand for – you know, their political platforms!!! Why have one of those???? Beyond being Left, Right, Religious, Secular, slightly Left and slightly secular, slightly extremely Right and moderately religious, etc… I cannot figure out what they all stand for.
In all fairness, there are a few clearly stated positions on a few items, but it's slim pickings in the clarity market.
That's why I was so happy when the Jerusalem Post reported on a website that took all the guesswork out of determining where you and your beliefs fit into the political spectrum. I went to this site immediately (israel.kieskompas.nl) and answered all the questions truthfully. Afterwards a little chart popped up and told me which parties I shared the most common ground with.
The only problem was that I am apparently most closely aligned with a party that some (obviously bleeding heart lefty) journalists are calling 'racist' and that does not sit well with my view of myself. Talk about having freezing cold water thrown in you face. Now, granted, a lot of people are not calling this party racist, but I hate the fact that that word is out there in connection to my political views. Therefore, I am back to square one and reconsidering my views. And now I am still not sure who to vote for, so there is no way I can leave the circus quite yet.
Generally, the main performance takes place in an area called "The Ring" but in the case of Israeli elections, we call it "The Media". Often, a large circus will provide up to three performing areas that are dedicated to different types of acts. The idea of the "three ring circus" was to build up excitement for the citizens. The Israelis have perfected the concept.
Voila! Welcome to the Israeli elections. It's a mind-boggling cornucopia of information overload, intrigue, double binds, and the likes.
But the truth is that for all of its circus atmosphere, this is really serious business. Leading this country is no piece of cake. My husband used to wish that one of our sons would some day become the Prime Minister of Israel. To which I could only respond: "Are you crazy???? I wouldn't subject my worst enemy to such a thankless job; why would I want that for my beloved child?" Yes, it must be nice to have your picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek, but other than that…. All I see is downside. For example, having your face plastered on such magazines just makes it easier for assassins to find you while you are on vacation.
Another interesting thing about Israeli political parties is that it is very difficult to determine what they stand for – you know, their political platforms!!! Why have one of those???? Beyond being Left, Right, Religious, Secular, slightly Left and slightly secular, slightly extremely Right and moderately religious, etc… I cannot figure out what they all stand for.
In all fairness, there are a few clearly stated positions on a few items, but it's slim pickings in the clarity market.
That's why I was so happy when the Jerusalem Post reported on a website that took all the guesswork out of determining where you and your beliefs fit into the political spectrum. I went to this site immediately (israel.kieskompas.nl) and answered all the questions truthfully. Afterwards a little chart popped up and told me which parties I shared the most common ground with.
The only problem was that I am apparently most closely aligned with a party that some (obviously bleeding heart lefty) journalists are calling 'racist' and that does not sit well with my view of myself. Talk about having freezing cold water thrown in you face. Now, granted, a lot of people are not calling this party racist, but I hate the fact that that word is out there in connection to my political views. Therefore, I am back to square one and reconsidering my views. And now I am still not sure who to vote for, so there is no way I can leave the circus quite yet.
Back to How I Got Here
And so began our odyssey.
The following summer we spent five weeks in Israel. The first week we stayed in the home of one of Chaim's old friends from Canada, Dave. Naturally, we arrived in the middle of a heatwave. I seem to have a knack for that.
When we arrived on the outskirts of northern Netanya – in what can only be called "Cool Bachelor Beach Territory" – our bachelor friend Dave was out of the country.
And he hadn't been there in a few weeks so the house was food-free. Not that bachelors have that much food to begin with. I think they eat out a lot. So there wasn't a stitch of food – or water for that matter.All there was was the Russian cleaning lady doing heavens knows what. There was nothing to clean. No one had been there for weeks!!!
Chaim went to get some basics at the local mini-market (notice that mini-markets play a recurring theme in my experience here). After he left, I realized that I had made the wrong choice. I should have gone to the mini-market and left him home with three exhausted, dehydrated children. Chaim was gone for what seemed like hours – I'm sure it wasn't but it felt that way.
I am also sure that there was a little part of him that was debating the benefits of abandoning us versus returning with food and drink. But how far can a guy really get with no car and no money? It’s not like we were in the middle of some civilized place. We were in romanticized beach country where cool young professionals from Tel Aviv spend their weekends and older beachcomber and hippie types retire.
I guess Chaim did return eventually and I can only guess that we inhaled whatever food he bought. Blanking out the painful details has become a hallmark of my Israel experiences leading up to moving here. It's an excellent tactic and I highly recommend it.
The following summer we spent five weeks in Israel. The first week we stayed in the home of one of Chaim's old friends from Canada, Dave. Naturally, we arrived in the middle of a heatwave. I seem to have a knack for that.
When we arrived on the outskirts of northern Netanya – in what can only be called "Cool Bachelor Beach Territory" – our bachelor friend Dave was out of the country.
And he hadn't been there in a few weeks so the house was food-free. Not that bachelors have that much food to begin with. I think they eat out a lot. So there wasn't a stitch of food – or water for that matter.All there was was the Russian cleaning lady doing heavens knows what. There was nothing to clean. No one had been there for weeks!!!
Chaim went to get some basics at the local mini-market (notice that mini-markets play a recurring theme in my experience here). After he left, I realized that I had made the wrong choice. I should have gone to the mini-market and left him home with three exhausted, dehydrated children. Chaim was gone for what seemed like hours – I'm sure it wasn't but it felt that way.
I am also sure that there was a little part of him that was debating the benefits of abandoning us versus returning with food and drink. But how far can a guy really get with no car and no money? It’s not like we were in the middle of some civilized place. We were in romanticized beach country where cool young professionals from Tel Aviv spend their weekends and older beachcomber and hippie types retire.
I guess Chaim did return eventually and I can only guess that we inhaled whatever food he bought. Blanking out the painful details has become a hallmark of my Israel experiences leading up to moving here. It's an excellent tactic and I highly recommend it.
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