Twenty hours and counting

In approximately 20 hours all my children will be officially back at school. I am so excited that I can barely contain myself. Except, of course, for the fact that I am so completely and entirely exhausted from spending the past two months with them, that I don't think I could muster the energy to demonstrate my excitement.

For the past two months I have done little else other than wash the dishes that seem to reappear mere moments after the last round of dishes were neatly put away. I have done more laundry than the entire group of inmates in Cellblock Anything Anywhere. I have dropped off and picked up more children from more locations than I care to think about. I have run to the corner store for milk, cereal and fruit on a daily basis. And I have agreed to more stupid social plans that I can remember.

Now I have had it. As of today, everyone in my house under the age of 50 is in my way. My computer and kitchen sharing days are over. If you want something either go get it yourself or live without it. Yes, that includes food during the non-meal hours of the day.

If you want to play games on my computer because yours doesn't have a new enough graphics card -- too bad. If you need to get to the Country Club immediately -- start pedaling. If you even try to put something not really dirty into the dirty wash, I will find you and force you to wear it "dirty" for even more days. I will not pick you up and I will not drop you off. You have allowance -- take a cab. And if you don't take your key -- I hope you like living on the streets because I am not getting out of my chair to open the door for you yet again. (And do not knock on Lynn's door because she is also tired and she doesn't want to let you in either.)

I apologize if this all sounds cruel, but after 60 days of people yelling "Ema (mom, in hebrew) for every little thing, I just can't hack the sound of that word anymore. From now on, I will only be responding to: "Your Highness", "M'Lady" and such other such respectful terms -- and only from people who approach me slightly hunched over and looking conspicuously at the ground.

And do not try to use the Cellphone Loophole. I have all your phone numbers (and those of your firends) listed in my phone and I will consciously ignore you. That said, if you are at risk of losing a limb or an organ, call your father. He is much more sympathetic and no one bothers him all day so he isn't as mentally exhausted by all of you as I am.

Oh, a quick look at my watch tells me that I am down to 19 hours and 55 minutes.

In the meantime, until I have to get out of bed tomorrow morning to make sure you really do leave the house and go to school, I will be in my bedroom with the doors locked. And when you all leave tomorrow morning, I am going to party like its 1999 (which was the last time I had the energy to do so).