Is it really time to eat again?

I am apparently a glutton for punishment because after a month of Jewish holidays, I felt compelled to sit down and figure out how many meals I ate during the festive season. The results were not pretty.

According to my best recollections, I have participated in 18 holiday meals in a one month period. I have made more than 30 challot (according to a Google search a challah is a traditional Jewish, yeasted, braided bread), not to mention eight kilos of fresh salmon, chicken in every conceivable variation, and enough side dishes, soups and desserts to satisfy an ultra-orthodox wedding party of 600.

And then, as if that wasn't enough, we attended two bar mitzvah parties the night that the holidays finally ended. I can't help but wonder if the hosts of those two parties made a mistake when they set their dates? Or perhaps they are oblivious to the limits of the human capacity for food.

I don't think it would be out of place to mention here that there are people starving in Biafra. I don't actually know where Biafra is but my mother has been reminding me about the poor starving people there since I was six.

Time for my segway... a little education never hurt anyone. Wikipedia says that the Republic of Biafra was a secessionist state in south-eastern Nigeria. It existed from 30 May 1967 to 15 January 1970. In other words, my mother milked that temporary situation for all that it was worth! And even if Biafrans are no longer starving or no longer exist, there are lots of other starving people much closer to home.

At the end of the holidays I swore that I would not enter my kitchen again. That didn't last long -- well, it didn't even last 24 hours actually. Despite my threats, my children were hungry again the very next day. In an effort to stay true to my original threat I suggested that everyone eat the leftovers, but apparently my children were also sick of holiday food. The difference was that, in their case, they expected fresh new food prepared by me. I would have settled for a fat-free yogurt.

I know that feeding your children is one of the top five obligations of mothers noted in the Official Mothers Handbook, and I know that there is a very disfunctional relationship between Jews and food, but for me, I am drawing a line in matza meal -- I am on hiatus due to an extreme reaction to a month's worth of gluttony.

Why not turn the clocks back in July next year?

It is 5:43 a.m. and I am sitting at my computer. Is the problem apparent yet?

For those of you who don't "get it", let me spell it out. It is now 5:44 and I am awake. Normal people who are not night watchmen or nightclub staff are in bed at this hour. I am not a night watchmen or nightclub staff. Now do you get it?

I am awake because despite my best efforts to ignore the light pouring in through my bedroom blinds, it is pelting me in the face and screaming MORNING. RISE AND SHINE. And my body can't help but oblige.

So, needless to say, I am not amused. (you can tell it is the week of Yom Kippur because I have toned down my language. I have enough things to repent for this Saturday without squeezing a few extra items in as I try to slide into home.)

This is the point in my standard little rants where I usually say "Back to the point" but today THIS seguay is precisely the point.

Approximately five years ago, 5700 odd years into the history of the Jewish people, the egomanics in the religious political party Shas decided to tamper with Jewish tradition which apparently wasn't working for them. Apparently it took more than 5000 years to see this whopping flaw and great thinkers of many generations (such as Maimonades, Rashi, Nachmonides, Feinstein and more) simply missed it.

Some of you are already smiling and nodding -- and yes the rest of you are still in the dark (lucky you).

Here's the problem: Five years ago, it became the law to turn back the clocks away from Daylight Savings in the days preceeding Yom Kippur. The thinking of the short-sighted ultra-relgious Shas Party was that it would be easier to fast the exact same 25 hours if you could sleep for one more of those hours. The plan actually worked just fine until Yom Kippur found itself in mid-September.

In this day and age when any eight-year-old can with the aid of a basic computer and an internet connection can tell you when Yom Kippur is going to fall until the end of time, the excuse of short-sightedness does not hold any water.

Despite anger from all corners in the State, Shas has held it's ground (and hijacked the country) on the basis that changing this law would damage the Jewish character of Israel.

Do I have to say this again?

5770 years of survival from every conceivable enemy the world could throw at us.

OR.........A five-year-old law imposed by a minority player in the mishmash of Israeli politics.

What has this got to do with protecting the Jewish character of Israel? And do you really think that a mental trick like this is going to be a determining factor in our future Jewishness?

All I know is that I can't sleep and I am going to be awake for as much of the fast this weekend as I would have been without the clocks turned back. AND, in the meantime turning the clocks back harms our pocketbooks. by causing people who live in the Jewish country to spend more on electricity. It also means that the same Jews in Israel must now drive home from work in the dark. Israelis are lousy drivers in daylight so this should really improve the situation. And no more little extra time for lots of people to come home from work and play with their kids outside in the last few minutes of daylight before it is time for bed. Nope.

Family time isn't important either. Nor is highway safety. All that matters is a 25-hour fast that is STILL 25 hours.

And of course, did I mention that I can't sleep.

The inevitable weather story

It is March 15th -- the Ides of March for anyone who is paying attention -- and I am freezing. I am sitting here in my little corner, in my house, in my Canadian-strength down jacket typing about how cold I am.

According to my husband I have two temperatures -- freezing to death and sweating to death. As you can tell by their names, neither is particularly comfortable. I have done a quick calculation and I have to admit that there are approximately nine days a year where I am completely satisfied with the weather in Israel.

The winter before we left Toronto I spent every snowy day counting down; knowing full well that they were the last snowy days of my life. Yes, that is a bit dramatic but when you walk out the door in the morning and it is -25 degrees celsius you need to use all your mental powers to stave off frostbite. What are you going to do? Stay in all winter? It's a great thought but totally impractical.

I thought winter in Israel would be better and in terms of minus anything celsius it is better. But there are a few holes in the story. For one, houses in Israel are made out of cement blocks and the concept of insulation just never made it here. Houses are intentionally designed to stay cool -- which they don't do that well to begin with.

In my first house in Israel I can honestly say that I got in bed more than one night dressed in a down jacket, sweat pants and socks. The first time Chaim asked me where I was going and I said: "To bed". "How are you going to sleep dressed like that?" he asked. But the answer was simple: very well and toasty warm thank you.

I never thought I would see the day that as a sober adult I would have to resort to sleeping in what was previously used for outerwear.

But before you start thinking that winter doesn't last long in Israel, think again. It really doesn't start getting cold until sometime in late December and then there are always a few "chamsins" (heat waves) where it is suddenly 30 degrees celsius in February.

I particularly love the tourists who think it will be warm by April. They arrive here with their bathing suits and shorts, ready to lounge poolside in Jerusalem. All I can figure is that it is a PR scam perpetrated by the Israeli government to boost April travel.

And I don't want to neglect summer which arrives about 20 minutes after winter leaves. Okay, that's not really true. November is often a beautiful month and May can be nice as well. But even if May is comfortable, June sneaks up on you and before you know it you are praying for a good night's sleep in your down-filled jacket. And by August you are looking for ways to peel off your skin -- anything to cool down. Then comes the cruelest of all Israeli weather tricks.... It doesn't cool down in September or October. It often gets hotter. You try to hike up a mountain during the school break for Sukkot when it is 34 degrees celsius. No, I am not making this up. I have photos.

The bottom line is that I am a born and bred Canadian and for me, it is a natural law that the weather turns cool in September. Period. It's non-negotiable. New school year. New school supplies. Jewish holidays and ... corduroy. I simply cannot accept any other version of September. I am still getting over the shock of going to synagogue for Yom Kippur in a summer weight dress and bare legs.

So now I will wrap up with the forecast for the remainder of the week. Cold tomorrow (that's about 17 degrees celsius for me). Cold the next day (similar temperature) and then inching up to 22 celsius by Thursday. I am almost starting to wish for summer.