10 reasons I will never be offered an ambassadorial post

Last night I went to hear the Israeli Ambassador to Canada, Rafael Barak, speak. I really didn't want to go because I knew there was going to be a lot of other speakers who were going to say things that would surely upset me. But my mother really wanted me to join her, so since I am leaving Canada in less than a week, I felt accommodating.

According to the most recent statistics I could find (that's not saying much), there are approximately 1500 Jews in Halifax, a city of approximately 350,000. I did a quick count last night and less than 100 showed up to hear the ambassador speak. So, as you can imagine, when one of the hosts for the evening stood up and said "we stand with Israel", I couldn't help but wonder who "we" were. And then, when he said that "we" are going through a very difficult time right now in the history of the Jewish people, I heard myself say almost out loud: "who is he talking about?' The "we" who are are living in Israel under regular missile attacks from Hamas or the more than 90% of the Halifax Jewish "we" who are so concerned about Israel that they didn't even bother to show up last night.

I told myself that I had to sit quietly in my seat and pay attention, no matter what was said. I promised myself that I would not grimace (tougher than expected), nor roll my eyes (almost impossible) nor stand up and leave (my feet almost betrayed me more than once). In the end I was glad that I stayed.

The ambassador spoke beautifully and appropriately. I am not going to review his remarks; if you want to read them, call the embassy and ask for a copy. What I will say is that he was a true diplomat at heart. I really don't know how he does it and here are 10 reasons why I could never do his job, which is unfortunate because on paper it looks really interesting.

10. Let's get all the obvious stuff out of the way first. I do not speak four languages fluently. (I don't even speak two languages fluently -- although my Hebrew wins the admiration of 3-year olds all over my neighbourhood). Second, I have not taken the foreign service exams nor done all the jobs required to climb the foreign service ladder.

9. I would never be able to stand in front of such a small audience and make them feel good about their almost non-existent commitment to Israel. (Yes, as always there are a few who do a lot and almost everyone else does absolutely nothing). I would have been guilting them anyway I could.

8. I could never keep a straight face while I talked about how good a friend Canada is to Israel. I know this ambassadorial post is considered prestigious, I just can't figure out why. Yes, the prime minister is a huge supporter of Israel (thank heavens) but the Canadian people ... ah, I don't think so. I guess the ambassador doesn't read all the comments following pro-Israel articles in Canadian newspapers.

7. How he made 88 people feel like 880 people is beyond me.

6. He managed to smile and nod politely through a performance of Hava Nagila -- a song I have not heard sung even once since I moved to Israel. I could have sworn I was at an NHL hockey game -- Hava Nagila gets a lot of play time during hockey games. Who picked the song list? So many good choices were available and not one of them made the final list.

5. I don't have the generic "diplomat face" thing under control -- and I doubt I could ever learn it. He did not roll his eyes even once while the other speakers tried to discuss how "we" are all in this Gaza war together and "we" are all experiencing this difficult time. The self control of a saint, I tell you.

4. He also displayed remarkable self control while speaking to a reporter on the 5:00 TV news prior to the stimulating program I attended. Of course, since approximately 15% of the local population is now Muslim, it might have been his survival instincts shifting into action.

3. He stayed around for a few minutes afterwards and let many people practice their Hebrew on him. In all fairness, if they had tried that on me, it would have been a wasted effort.

2. He let me squeeze in next to him and take a selfie of us for my friends at home. And then he said: "Oh, a selfie" as if he takes them daily.

1. He seemed like a very charming and genuinely nice man. He's wrangled with the PA and the EEU, and yet, he still had the energy to tolerate last night.