Wednesday, March 12, 2014

The inevitable beginning of the end

This weekend is the annual celebration of Purim -- the fun, dress-up-in -costumes holiday celebrating the Jews close call with the anti-Semites of Persia around 360 B.C.E.. However, the real celebration (for kids anyway) has nothing at all to do with outsmarting people who hate us; it is the realization that although it is only March, school is essentially over for another year.

Let me be clear here -- school does not end officially until sometime in June, but every education-aware parent in the State of Israel knows that absolutely nothing productive happens in school after Purim. And we wonder why Israel's international academic ratings have fallen over the years -- quelle surprise!!!!

Here's a brief run-down of all the interruptions to the average school year that occur between the end of Purim and the end of June:


  • Passover begins exactly four weeks after Purim. Now, you might say: "well why can't the schools cram another month of learning into that time frame?" Good question. Write to me if you can figure out the answer. I would also like to know. Here's what the schools will tell you: they have to start reviewing the Passover story which takes a few weeks because it is a pivotal moment in Jewish history and then they need a week to have the kids clean every conceivable crumb out of every conceivable crevice in the schools and surrounding areas. Then, the teachers need a week off before the holiday to get their own homes ready for the holiday.
  • Six days after the kids get back from the three-week Passover break, there is Yom HaShoah -- I would love to slam this day but since it honours the dead of the Holocaust, how can I? I feel Jews spend a lot of time honouring the past and the last thing we needed was another thing to honour. Thank you Adolf Hitler.
  • Seven days after Yom HaShoah, is Yom HaZikaron -- the day honouring those who died for the State of Israel. Personally I am much more sympathetic to this holiday because thanks to those who gave their lives for Israel,  I can live here or almost anywhere (as a Jew) safely.This is a debt that cannot be repaid.
  • As Yom HaZikaron ends, Yom Ha'atzmaut begins -- I love the fact that first Israel honours its fallen soldiers and then celebrates what their sacrifice gave us -- the State of Israel. The national party is something to behold, but after all the sadness and happiness compacted into two days, the kids are pooped. Well, that's what my kids tell me.
  • Eleven days later, yes, we're at it again. This time it is Lag B'Omer or what I like to call the next safest thing to Heroin Day. School-aged kids spend every afternoon from the end of Passover until sunset on Lag B'Omer collecting wood to burn in their giant, parent-ignited bonfires.  And then they spend hours with their freaked out parents yelling at them not to get to close to the fire.The older kids light their own bonfires and then they sit there roasting food and drinking with a giant fire nearby. Very relaxing celebration for parents.
  • Nine days later is Yom Yerushalayim honouring well, Jerusalem. It's a nice thought if only it didn't come after several weeks of other celebrations.
  • And six days later, there is another serious holiday -- Shavuot. This is when the Israelites, newly escaped from Egypt, received the Torah at Sinai. And since the Torah lies at the heart of Judaism, Shavuot is big. It is so big, in fact, that the kids get an extra day off school to prepare and a day after to recuperate. Recuperate from what? Who the hell knows.
By this point we are a week or so into June so the kids go back to school to prepare for any of the end of the year loose ends that were not handled earlier in the year when school really ended -- at Purim.

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