Last night my synagogue held its grand opening. Never mind the fact that we have been in the synagogue for about a year now; in typical Jewish fashion, that makes it about time for the official opening. Most of the kinks are already worked out and the new sanctuary chairs are delivered. The timers on the lights and the air conditioning work most of the time and everyone has already chosen their unofficial favourite spot to sit.
Now since we are a big community of mostly immigrants – and I don’t mean your Ellis Island brand of immigrants circa 1945 – we tend to do things the American way! Having grown up in Canada I am more familiar with the American Way than the Canadian Way. I still have no idea what the Canadian Way is. But the Americans ... when they do something, they do it right. They pull out all the stops. They do not believe in doing things part way. They do not believe in being understated.
If that sounds like a complaint let me assure you that it is not. I don’t think our synagogue would be the place that it has become without the American ‘Can Do’ attitude about pretty much everything. The Canucks would just line up and wait their turn. The Aussies would have a barbie. The Brits would smile a lot but roll their eyes after you left.
And that is why our synagogue is what it is today. Americans are simply incapable of seeing roadblocks that cannot be overcome. Frankly, in true Canadian fashion, I get tired watching them but there is no denying the results.
Back to the event. By the time I left the building last night I was a glob of tears and chocolate. The program, which honoured the building’s namesake Ari Weiss z”l -- a young American-born Israeli soldier who was killed in the line of duty fighting those relentless Fatah and Hamas crazies in a town called Schem.
I live about 20-25 minutes from Schem but it might was well be on another continent. That is, of course, unless your son is one of the Israeli soldiers who is frequently stationed there keeping an eye on the Israel-hating, trigger-happy terrorists.
The program was very touching and provoked more than a few tears. However, I guess I can't help myself because I always notice the tangential weird things that are going on when I am supposed to be paying attention to the program.
The one light moment in the whole event was the Vice Prime Minister of Israel. He was an invited guest and speaker. While he was previously a brigadier general, apparently that job doesn’t come with either a sense of humour or a decent skullcap. Most Israeli bigwigs are not religious, but since this IS Israel, they all know that once in a while they will be called upon to show up in a religious location. Therefore, I don’t see any good reason why each and every one of them (the male bigwigs that is) shouldn’t own a decent skullcap.
While this may seem obvious to some, apparently it does not included VPM Boogie Ya’alon who got up to the podium sporting what can only be called a conical rendition of a yarmulke from Saturday Night Live's Coneheads.
It’s hard to take a guy seriously, even if he is a retired Brigadier General and the sitting VPM, when he looks ridiculous in his kippa. I mean, he is Jewish. It’s not like inviting Barak Obama to Israel. Actually non-Jews frequently come more prepared precisely because they aren't Jewish. They do their homework!
Finally, there was Boogie's (btw, that's his nickname, not his real name. Even in Israel, people do not name their children "Boogie") body guard. I don’t want to minimize Ya’alon’s importance on the world starge and as a result, his assassinate-ability (Yes, I made that word up) but what the heck do these people think is going to happen to him in the middle of Ra’anana?
I think his body guard was thinking the same thing because he kept trying to look busy by talking into his jacket lapel. I couldn’t stop watching him. What on earth was he reporting? “Still all clear here in the synagogue in Ra’anana.” “Nothing happening.” “Oh wait, a middle-aged lady with a camera just stood up.” “Oh, never mind, she was taking a photo.”
I don’t want to jinx my quiet little community, but in terms of danger, it is not on the same level with Washington, London, Jerusalem, Hadera or Schem.... where this whole story began.
This kipa thing should be put in the itinerary of the organizers. "To provide a normal well worn-in Kipa" though clean. Not just for the guest speaker but for his body gauards too. Then again this coneheadedness(yes, I can make up words too) is a feature in synagogues and other Jewish events all over the world. I think we must need it or we would have taken care of it, "first order of the day".
ReplyDeleteWhen I was growing up, a drawer in the dining room buffet cabinet contained a collection of kippas from weddings, bar mitzvot and the local funeral home. They were only thrown out if the wedding couple was no longer married or the bar mitzvah boy was now a man with his own children. When my father died and I inherited his car, an additional stash of skull coverings was found stuffed in the glove box.
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