My baby went to Tel Aviv

When my son Ari was small, about three or four years old, and we still lived in Toronto, there was a park a block from our house that he used to enjoy. By the time he was four, he also liked to walk to the park but we lived on a small street with no sidewalks which meant he had to walk on the curb or the edge of the street to get there and there was no way I was going to agree to that.

I always wanted to carry him around the corner but Chaim insisted that he should walk. As a result, I refused to take him to the park. And when Chaim took him, they set off together on the street, with me sitting almost apoplectic on the front step of our house just waiting for the worst.

Chaim has always contended that if I was a single parent that none of our children would be able to walk because I would have simply carried them everywhere. And of course, by extension, because my children are fortunate enough to have a father, they can run, walk, swim, play basketball, etc...

Let me just say that I do not accept this family view.

Unfortunately, yesterday, I was put to the test.

Ari, who is just about 14 now, came rushing in to the house taking his clothes off and speaking into his cell phone at warp speed. Ten years ago that behaviour from him wouldn't have surprised me but now that he is a teenager, he only moves in reluctant slow-mo as if every step requires all the energy that he can possibly muster.

Not so yesterday. Because yesterday his friends came up with a plan that required immediate implementation. They decided to get on a bus and go to Tel Aviv.

I was offered two minutes to give my input, although I noticed that he never stopped getting ready all the "while" I was thinking about it. I really didn't want to let him go but all I could think of what Chaim saying: "If it was up to you, you would still be carrying him around."

So, in a moment of what could have either been considered temporary parental insanity or the realization that he is growing up, I let him go.

Once I realized who he was going with, I have to admit that I felt much better. I can't speak for the boys, but the girls were actually girls that I suspect have more than an ounce of common sense each.

I didn't call him once all day. I just trusted that everything would be fine. However, at 7:00 p.m. I finally decided that I had had enough and dialed his cell, which of course, was off. Why do we give them cell phones if they only plan to answer at their leisure?

I'm actually quite proud of myself because even when I couldn't get him on the phone I didn't think that something bad had happened. I just thought that he wasn't answering his phone. And lo and behold, I was right. He arrived home a few minutes later -- having blown 120 shekels in the HaCarmel market on the most ridiculous hat, cotton Hawaiian drawstring pants and cheap sun glasses.

And more important, he got there and back by himself, and had fun with only the involvement of his equally naive friends. I guess they all stayed suitably close to the curb.

Facebook Subversion

Let me start by saying that I always wanted children.... before I had them.

I didn't get married until I was 32 and once that was done, I was focused on what I figured was the next logical step.... expanding my gene pool (isn't that what men usually say about their sperm?).

I think we can skip all the details about getting those children but suffice it to say that I ended up with three. One came with the husband. That gives me a total of four.

Now generally I would have to say that I am glad I had them, and always thought (despite my friends' protestations to the contrary) that they would get easier with age. My thinking was that if I could leave them alone in the house for a few minutes or not have to go with them to the bathroom, I would be essentially emancipated from the drudgery of motherhood. I can barely stop laughing long enough to continue this post, which is a nice way of saying I WAS WRONG!!!

Which leads me to the events of this past week. Last Friday night my 13-year-old son's friends were hanging around in a local parkette. I am not a big fan of pointless hanging around, but the kids don't see it that way at all. Let me start by saying that my son wasn't there. However, one of his friends apparently showed up with a bibi gun. At this point, it is obvious that the story is headed downhill.

Why he had the bibi gun is a fair and logical question, but it is really tangential to the story and even if it wasn't, I don't know the answer. What is important is that one of the 13-year-old girls who was there ended up with the gun and inadvertently (?) shot some other kid in the face. Fortunately, it was the other kid's cheek that suffered the brunt of the pelleting, but as you can imagine, that kid was less than amused.

Apparently (I wasn't there so I feel obliged to keep saying "apparently") the victim walked up to the shooter, grabbed the gun from her hands and proceeded to crush it to smithereens. That, in turn, led to further decline in the festivities. (No surprise there.)

Suffice it to say that there was name-calling, personal fashion insults, and so on.
Which leads me back to the kid who owned the gun.

When his parents found out about it, apparently (see above) they were pretty much non-plussed because (so I heard) it was only "boys being boys". I am always speechless when civilized people in the 21st century say stupid things like that. Where do you go from there?

Okay, so now, without being directly involved in any of the goings on, I realize that I am really peeved. And to add insult to injury, I hear that this gun-toting kid's older brother has a nasty home page on Facebook. Yes, the parents supposedly know about that too and yet again, are unphased for the same reasons as noted above. And me, I am just getting more and more peeved.

I went home and reported the entire series of events to Chaim because I knew I was preaching to the converted. That's when we decided to try to get on to the older brother's Facebook page to see if all the gossip was true. (As one of my friends later asked: "And what were you going to do with this knowledge?" I don't know, but at the time that wasn't the point.) We were trying to remember that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. And if we couldn't, we were just going to have to go with our verdict of "Presumed Guilty".

This is when I learned a little something about the inner workings of Facebook. If you aren't invited to be someone's friend, you can't access their home page. And let's be honest here, there aren't many 15 year old boys inviting me to be their Facebook friend (not from lack of asking or even begging on my part).

When I told a friend about our attempts to access unfriendly Facebook pages she told me to call another mutual friend (who I cannot name here because I may need him again in the future) who is an unofficial (Facebook) Subversion expert.

When I talked to the Facebook Subverter he explained how complicated it could be to break into a Facebook page and that he (acting on behalf of my subconscious) decided that it was too much risk considering that my objectives weren't clear -- well, at least those beyond curiosity.

So, now, I am left to look at this kid and wonder if he is as creepy as I now think he is. He looks so innocent, but it's too late for that -- I have my suspicions. And I really want to have his parents sent to have their heads checked, but you can't go around insisting upon that in a democratic country.

And in the meantime, I am going to do everything in my power to keep my kids away from him/them.