Ten reasons I know -- for sure -- mashiach is coming in 2016

Let's not get too nitpicky here but there is every indication that mashiach -- yes, the one and only -- will be here by November 2016. Until recently I was always a little suspect on the whole messiah business. I liked the idea of it but I just couldn't get my mind around the details. Thanks to recent events, I find myself reviewing my concerns and acknowledging that I may have been too quick to dismiss him. Apologies, messiah, in advance of your imminent arrival.

How do I know that I was wrong for all these years? How do I know that the time is nigh? I think the better question is: How could you not know? The damn signs are screaming out in technicolor. Yes, actually, technicolor.

Here, in no particular order, are the 10 biggest giveaways.

• It is now impossible to be a visible Jew in France. That whole Les Miz let's build a republic thing of the late 1700s has run its course. Political and social upheaval to overthrow the monarchy and bring equality to the people .... passe. And it's not just in Paris; don't try to go unnoticed in Lyon or Marseilles, the anti-Semites will find you anywhere you try to hide. Of course, the upside (that's always part of the messiah conversation) is that the restaurants in the center of Israel have improved from their already high quality to the outer stratosphere of delicious as more French cooks arrive. Merci beaucoup.
• Israel just got the nod to rent office space in Abu Dhabi. Never thought I would type that sentence. Of course, Abu Dhabi has spent the last week managing its potential public relations disaster by focusing on the message that it's just about renewable energy, which is no biggie. And, I am sure they are telling anyone who will listen that they out-negotiated us on the rental contract like it was nobody's business. Out-negotiating an Israeli should have been a dead giveaway that the messiah was packing.
• Without a shadow of a doubt, it is dangerous for an outed Jew to go to university safely in the US anymore. CUNY wants its Jews to leave. UC, home of 1960s love and peace movement, is trying to take away Jewish students' elected positions because they are Jews. Dartmouth, Yale, the list goes on and on. I'm just waiting for someone to get their claws into Brandies. I mean why would a university want Jews anyway? Who needs the Nobels and Pulitzers and the likes that seem to follow them? I am sure all those BDSers are going to cure cancer, irrigate the desert, manage the world economy just fine on their own. 
• Young unaffiliated Jews -- in other words, most of the next generation of Jews -- don't give a rats ass. Some of them are so anti-Semitic themselves that they are leaders in the BDS movement. My personal favourites are the ones who have been to Israel, maybe lived here for a year, have friends and family here, and don't see the damage they are unfairly inflicting on Israel, and funnily enough, themselves. They LOVE Israel, they tell reporters all the time. Really? With lovers like you I will take my chances with ISIS. At least they are clear headed and honest about their murderous intentions.
• An innocent child oozing in goodness and potential, was murdered by cretins not worth the change in Ezra Schwartz' pocket, and the first words out of the White House are that they are taking steps to restore calm, reduce tension, and end the violence. There was no calm to restore or tension to reduce before that unspeakably unfortunate traffic jam -- Ezra was having a little nap before he headed off to help others. You can see what a shit storm his nap was causing.
• A picture in a recent newspaper article shows a white kid in a kaffiyeh with a sign that says: Israel = Racism and Genocide. He doesn't look old enough to vote, but let's give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he is 19. On what exactly is he basing his poster philosophy? I've never seen him before so he definitely hasn't been to Ra'anana. He is probably waiting for the messiah too -- free trip perhaps. 
• Musicians boycotting Israel. Message to musicians, the Muslim fanatics favour you are currying so actively are not listening to your music. The number one song in the UK this week is aptly titled Allah Akbar. I think it was written by Rhianna and produced by Eddy Vedder.
• JK Rowling is the voice of reason. No disrespect Ms Rowling. I am a huge Harry Potter fan and have been since Book One, but if you are THE voice of reason, the intellectual sensibilities of academia are totally screwed.
• Hotel reservations in Paris are down 83%. Belgians were stuck at home for three days while the police looked for some missing ammo and a lunatic. At the same time, Israelis went on with their lives, sent their kids to school, and did everything they always do -- just a little more carefully. All the while, the army, the police and every Jewish citizen (and probably most Muslim citizens) kept an eye out for each other. Okay, I also bought a broomstick for the car to which my son said: "And exactly what are you going to do with that?" I did have a plan.
• The number of voices stating that Israel has no right to exist are growing exponentially at precisely the same time that many Jews in the world are starting to get that Germany 1938 feeling and thinking -- I am sure many for the first time -- that Israel might not be such a bad place to live after all. It's a suck and blow sort of thing. Israel isn't for the Jews but by the way, get out of our schools, cities, businesses, lives.

If you don't see messiah written all over this then you are a tough nut to crack. All that's missing is Hilary "Suha I Love You Let's Hug" Clinton being sworn in as the next US President, and then the deal will be closed. You see, I didn't just pick the date arbitrarily.

The disconnected white elephant in the room

There's been a lot written during the past few months about the Israel-Diaspora disconnect. I see it all the time but it wasn't until this past weekend that it really struck me in a concrete manner.

Last Saturday night many of my friends were celebrating the recent engagement of a lovely neighbourhood girl. I know I should call her a young woman -- which she is, sort of -- but she is 19 years old and I am sticking with "girl" until her 20th birthday. Some day she will be glad to hear such a moniker in reference to her.

Her parents' home was packed with well-wishers coming in, having a bite to eat, a shot of something or other, a few words with the people-of-the-hour, and then heading out again. It was a friendly mob scene and I thought I would head to the kitchen for a little respite. However, when I finally made my way through the crowd and into the kitchen, I found many of the 19- and 20-year-olds that my own son has grown up with.

There were about 40 of them all told. They were all standing around laughing and drinking. It is immediately obvious that they have easy, familiar relationships with each other as many of them have been friends since they were born or shortly afterwards.

As I looked at these kids -- to me, they are all still kids -- all I could think was how happy I would be if they would all just marry each other. Needless to say, they overwhelmingly disagree with that idea; "That's gross," said one of the girls when I mentioned my great idea, "we're like brothers and sisters."

Maybe they are; maybe they aren't. But that quickly became the secondary reason.

Every one of them is finished high school. Most of the boys and some of the girls, have a year of additional Torah learning under their belts. Some of them have already begun their minimum two- or three-year compulsory army/national service stint. Some of them are committed to the Israel Defence Forces for even more years.

In other words, very few -- if any -- are in a position to really think about themselves or their life plans. Before they can even begin to think about their personal futures, they have an obligation to the State of Israel.

Now, in the event that you readers perceive a negative message in the lines above, let me clarify: NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH. I am sure that there are some young people in Israel who are only doing their military service under duress and will do anything they can to get out of it. Don't bother writing me about those people -- there are haters everywhere and Israel is no different.

I am talking about a group of young people who were either born here to immigrant parents or are immigrants themselves. In the case of the English-speaking immigrants, they could have easily grown up where being 19 meant that they were sophomores in college whose biggest concern was which beer bash to attend after a night in the library. They could be living in dorms and participating in a four-year-long party with a few hours of study mingled in for good measure. Don't tell me it isn't like that -- I did it and it is.

But that is not the case with these kids. Very few of them will even begin considering college until they are 21 -- many of them will be still older. And in the interim, they are either going to carry guns and go into battle -- or support those who do -- for an idea that is much bigger than themselves. For some it will be dangerous; for others it will be incredibly stressful; but for all of them it will be truly fulfilling to know that they played their part in protecting their country and in turn, kept the world safer for Jews everywhere.

What is sad is that many of those Jews in other parts of the world -- particularly their peers -- won't give a rat's ass about the sacrifice these Israeli kids are making. Lots of them will be out protesting against Israel and joining the BDS movement. They will be too busy partying, planning their Spring Breaks and living completely narcissistic, self-indulged existences. And at the end of the day, the disconnect between Israelis and Diaspora Jews will grow even larger. The joke is that when the day of reckoning comes (and it will come for each and every one of us), the Diaspora Jews will be the net losers.

Sure, the Diaspora Jews may end up making more money and living in bigger houses; they may raise some money for an Israeli cause here and there, and they may march in the Annual Israel Day Parade, but they will have missed the greatest opportunity to be part of the remarkable history of their people.

Now THIS is a plan

Have you ever received one of those emails that goes around and around on the internet listing all the technological, medical and scientific contributions Israelis have made to the world? Of course you have. Here's one of those lists.  Yes it is from a Christian website (circa 2005), but it illustrates my point. Here's another on that is more recent. If you Google "Israeli contributions to  .... you will find more list.

Every time I get one of those emails, I read it. Many of the items on lists are already well-known Israeli inventions, but in the chance that there might be something new added, I always read to the end. And I am never disappointed that I did.

Today, I was at a 50th birthday party for a good friend when another friend (he told me to refer to him as an acquaintance) casually presented a fabulous idea that addresses real politik and Israeli inventions. I told him it was a fantastic idea and that he should do something about it. He looked at me and said "I am. I am telling you."

That wasn't what I had in mind.I was thinking a little bigger that my blog. But who am I to turn down a breaking story? Since he refuses to promote his own anti-BDS, pro-Israel idea, it falls to moi to do so. Therefore, here, with his express permission, is his great idea: (drum roll)

Israel now, or in the very near future, will (God willing) make enough money from its off-shore oil and gas reserves that the government will be flush with cash. That will probably be a first in the history of the state. Fighting existential wars is very very pricey and keeps Israel comfortably ensconced in the red.

However, once the country's financial fortunes improve, my mystery friend thinks that the government should set up an agency to provide financial exits for any Israeli company, individual or university to sell its most recent remarkable creation. At that point, the remarkable invention will then belong to the State of Israel. Can you see where this is going?

Here's where his plan gets really good (and apologize if I don't get this exactly correct but frankly, he should have written this himself!!!):

The government agency now responsible for making sure the world can benefit from the blood,sweat and tears of Israelis (that's the marketing angle), will send its representatives out in to the mean, mostly anti-Semitic streets of everywhere to sell that newest, greatest, world-changing thing.

Of course every country from here to Timbuktu will want whatever we are offering. However .... here's the catch .... the only way a country, corporation or the like will be able to access a slice of Israeli brilliance is if they first sign a contract that states they are now in a working relationship with the State of Israel, and from this point henceforth, they are forever and ever Israel's greatest friend and supporter and must publicly act as such. (Maybe,since this is Israel, we could add something like "failure to comply will be immediately seen by The Omnipotent God who will, in turn, smite you.)

You want the know-how to save lives?
You want the technology to let paraplegics to walk again?
You want to cure ALS and auto-immune diseases?
You want the newest, fastest Intel chip?

All you have to do is put your John Hancock (or in this case your David Ben-Gurion) on the dotted line and wire the funds.

Of course, there is always another choice: stick with the Muslims and get the newest updates on algebra.